I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
