My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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