apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
