walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
