Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
