He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
