best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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