I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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