She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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