HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is Oprah even human
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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