Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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