you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i love accidental penises.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
