ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
