i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
