I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this boner is exhausting
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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