I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
