dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
