im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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