I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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