I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
