I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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