i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
