i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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