Please, let me fuck your mom
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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