YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
