Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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