p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
