If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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