i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
