i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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