Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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