i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
