If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
