Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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