Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's just like the Real World with babies
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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