I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
