You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My life is pants optional.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize