As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
