i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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