Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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