I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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