Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
