Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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