i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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