apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
