Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
