It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize