Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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