i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize