you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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