Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
