the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
there is glitter all over my balls
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
