He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am naked and annoyed.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
