im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
