A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize