my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
