i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
