They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
