Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He passed out mid-signature
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
