Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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