just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
