Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
