I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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