she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
