We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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