how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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