If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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